The Curmudgeon
To most of the customers in The General Store of 2016, it was again obvious that until the coming November anything was possible.
Who could possibly guess what would happen until then, including war, pestilence, treachery, treason, famine, floods, fires, the implosion of Google, the explosion of Microsoft, unrelieved traffic, (and a string of etc., etc., and a resounding etc.)?
Because, somehow, due to what passes as a 24-hour news cycle (usually without news), all good things in the U. S. of A. had shifted, and like the refuse collector in the first “Star Wars” saga, everything unwanted had collected just below the entrance to the trash bin of history, so there was no way out except to live through it all and live to count both winners and victims.
It was a sunny day after two days of a major blizzard and the Storekeeps (Mr. and Mrs.) were checking the toilet paper and milk inventory while chatting with City-Fella (who had come up from Atlanta and never got back to the city), Curmudgeon, Curmudgeon’s sister Louise, and the Postman, while all waited for the coffee to perk.
“Luckily Louise and I were able to watch streaming television during the storm,” said Curmudgeon, “and happened to stumble upon a great two-episode made-for-TV-movie entitled ‘Dinotopia –’”
“I remember that one,” said City-Fella, “that’s the story where a lost island is inhabited by all sorts of dinosaurs living with a whole host of people, and actually getting along well enough to tell a tale.”
“Right,” continued Curmudgeon, “and it reminded me a great deal about the times we’re living through today, what with a few normal people running for president but up against a collection of various folk, headed by Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, along with the remaining cast of the ‘Young and the Reckless.’”
Knowing what might be ahead didn’t stop Storekeep from asking: “Who played Donald Trump?”
“Well,” said Curmudgeon, “in the movie there are a bunch of Tyrannosaurs who were a major threat against the regular members of the society, and some underground reptiles who were basically not very nice creatures, and I couldn’t help but think of Trump running along with little fists — and huge thighs — scaring the life out of everybody else, and knowing that if he fails, he’s backed up by a large collection of characters, not one of which has the smarts to be the head of this country –”
“And that –,” said Louise is your opinion and certainly not mine.”
Louise, it should be noted was visiting her brother because his wife had gone to a Tupperware Convention in Raleigh, taking her Disney Casserole Collection, and somebody had to look out for the Curmudgeon — and Louise lost the coin toss. It should also be noted that having grown up in the same house as Curmudgeon, Louise had some pretty strong opinions of her own.
“For one,” she continued, “I’m not so sure that Mr. Trump might be a good thing for the country because he at least has some respect for a few social conventions like some kind of health care, and has had many successes in Scotland, with golfing and the like –”
“Sure,” said Curmudgeon, “like being up against the governments of both Scotland and England as they look for a democratic way of keeping him out of the country –”
“WAIT!” said Mrs. Storekeep in a louder voice than her usual, “let’s all stop and stir our coffee and remember that we’re trying to survive in North Carolina, where our state capital seems to be thriving with the likes of many of the upright four-legged denizens portrayed in “Dinotopia.”
“Did you all know,” asked Louise, “that Jim Carter, the English actor who plays Mr. Carson, the head butler in Downton Abbey, plays Mayor Waldo in “Dinotopia?”
“That’s fascinating,” said Mr. Storekeep, who felt that the present discussion showed great promise in breaking up not only good friends but steady customers, too.
“That was some storm,” said The Postman, as he stirred the Creamora in his coffee, adding: “Did you know that you can make a fireball from mixing gun power and Creamora? I saw it on YouTube.
“I wonder,” asked Louise in a sotto voce tone, “if Donald Trump knows about that?”
Peter Loewer has written and illustrated more than twenty-five books on natural history over the past thirty years.