Written by Phil Okrend –
Would you like to experience greater peace of mind with less stress and anxiety? We all would and yet peace of mind can seem so elusive. If you experience any of the following, you understand the challenges that can keep you from getting there:
Overwork
Not Enough Time
Constant Distractions
Relationship Challenges
Financial/Business/Work Challenges
Health Challenges
Home and technology challenges
World Events with the constant worry it fosters from natural disasters to the threat of terrorism.
This is just a partial list. You may have more to add to your own list, but in today’s increasingly complex world, you can’t expect things to change out there to make you feel better. What happens when you feel stress coming on? Well, many people simply react, and reaction can produce the following: Anger, frustration, fatigue, headaches, depression, etc. What if there was a better, more effective way to deal with these challenges?
Instead of reacting to a stressful or undesirable situation, what if you choose to stand outside it and simply observe it. What does this mean? Take the following example. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you are about to yell out some heated words for the other driver to hear. What if you watched yourself as you started to do this? As you choose to watch yourself, you automatically slow down as you see things from a bigger picture. In the space of observation, you can then choose to ask yourself questions, questions that you would never ask in a state of reaction. It’s like standing outside on the banks watching the rapids instead of being caught up in the rapids.
Here are some questions you might ask as the observer:
If I continue to scream and yell, what will the likely outcome be? How will this set the mood for my day? How will my reaction affect the focus I need to accomplish the tasks I want to today? How will getting angry affect my health? If I get into an argument, what might that lead to? If I let this situation go, how can I start to feel better?
As the observer, you can become aware of the answers to these questions, and then have the power to choose a better way. Perhaps you decide that you just won’t take it personally, and drive by the other person’s car with a smile. By observing and then choosing, your emotions stop controlling you. You end up making better decisions, decisions that can serve you. Here are some of the benefits of being the observer:
- Difficult Situations tend to dissipate on their own because you drop the emotional charge of defensiveness and reaction that keeps it going. Drama does not have a chance to perpetuate.
- Creative solutions to problems have the space to emerge where they don’t in a reactive state.
- You have time to live according to your higher values which don’t exist in the reactive state.
- You start to generate calmness in your life, and you feel healthier. Contrast that to the stress and negativity produced by the reactive state.
What other positive attributes do you think you would develop by becoming the observer of your experience as opposed to reacting to situations?
Face it. Reactivity leads to more of the same. The original unpleasant situation may actually exacerbate from the reaction causing more struggle, more resistance and more unhappiness. As Carl Jung so famously said, “What you resist persists.” In contrast, when you observe, you automatically put yourself on a path where authenticity, courage and your inherent wisdom have the space to arise.
The next time you find yourself in a situation not to your liking, why not take a breath, step back and observe. It may be the most empowering choice you decide to make.
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Phil and Elise Okrend will be presenting a workshop, Journey to Healing and Empowerment Through Art and Words at the Om Sanctuary in Asheville on Saturday, March 7th. Read more and register at the Om Sanctuary Web Site.
Phil Okrend, Certified Life and Business Coach, transitioned from being an attorney, to the life of a creative entrepreneur, writer, speaker and musician. Phil is the author of the new coffee table book Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth which pairs his mindful poetic writings with the art of his wife, Asheville based pastel artist Elise Okrend.
www.messagestotheheart.com and www.steppingstonescoaching.com