The Curmudgeon
Winter was coming to an inelegant close having tired all but the staunchest members of the Western North Carolina area.
It was evident—whether driving the Interstates or the local avenues of happiness or despair (depending on how you viewed your local place of address). And, if you were one of the ten percent who actually paid attention to the world outside the mountains, you were dour more than hopeful no matter where you hung your hat.
In comparison to the jiggling found in most Conservative brains, The General Store was in pretty good shape (at least psychically) because some time ago Mr. and Mrs. Storekeep offered common shares to the members of the community they lived and worked in, and since the balance between Liberal and Conservative seemed to weigh evenly when balanced one to the other, meant that most days of the week it was business as usual regardless of any recent Supreme Court decisions.
However, the face of Curmudgeon loomed stormy on the store’s horizon when he rushed into the store last Wednesday morning.
“I’m not mad,” he hollered, “I’m more than mad and two things have caused my present fling with dyspepsia!”
“What?” asked the Storekeeps, the Postman, and the Little Debbie salesman.
“First because my nephew enjoys Marvel movies I went to see “Dead Pool” Monday evening and it’s taken me until today to recover my balance and–“
“And–“ said the customers, plus Cityfeller who had just come up from the basement where he was helping Storekeep pile up some old boxes of who knew what.
“And the other is the new Bond Issue that we are all supposed to be excited about passing because the future of North Carolina seems to rest on its passage.”
Curmudgeon pointed his right index finger to the ceiling above and continued:
“First,” he asked, “isn’t this the state that federal tidal measurements that result from global warming are not allowed to be mentioned in any state legislation and isn’t this the state that passed a constitutional amendment asking that only religious marriages be considered legal and isn’t this the state the still has justices of the peace who refuse to marry gay persons and isn’t this the state that has torn apart most of the present practice of education, including playing fast and loose with teacher’s raises? And isn’t this the state that brought gerrymandering to the importance of an illegal art form and isn’t this the state that thought that giving tax breaks to motion picture companies was ill-advised and isn’t this the state the monkey-around with the sales tax so not people with less than adequate means pay more for car care than they did before? And isn’t this the state that wants to override Charlotte’s City Council for trying to provide proper restrooms for trans-engendered people and isn’t this the state that continues to want Asheville’s water system because the city stood up to an unnamed real estate developer who got angry with following any water rules and —”
Curmudgeon stopped to get his breath while his audience all nodded their heads in agreement, the asked for a cup of coffee and a few moments to relax before continuing.
“I think,” said Storekeep, “if I am speak for the group, what you say is, of course, true. And all of us also agree that there are too many possible expenditures listed that are at this time, unknown quantities–but that being said this bond issue is about education and all of those things that you listed are generally the ideas of one party of politicians that all need more education on their home base than anyone else in the current population and–the rest of you agree?”
“yes,” they said in unison.
“So pass it,” said Storekeep, “and hope that the added education wises up the folks who now run the state, in time before it sinks below the horizons of South Carolina. Now what’s with ‘Dear Pool?’”
“I think I’ll answer that after I take a much needed nap.”
And everybody nodded in agreement!
Peter Loewer has written and illustrated more than twenty-five books on natural history over the past thirty years.