Last week after drought that had lasted for weeks on end, a big rain fell on the General Store with wind whipping around foundations and ripping off the plastic sheeting where the back inside wall (next to the back door) had a large section removed for the express purpose of installing a new toilet fixture next to the time-honored porcelain gem that had been there alone in the store’s rest-room for some seventy years. After a week-long discussion that had taken up hours of time, Mr. and Mrs. Store-keep decided to expand the rest-room enabling them to have two private stalls instead of a one-stop fits all.
“You know,” said Store-keep, “that new law is simply silly and I hate to give in to pressure, when we have had no complaints for decades.”
“Each year we have more customers and now we’re getting a number of city-folk who are far more sophisticated then our local gentry. Sooner or later the occasion will arise when a member of the LGBT Community will ask for our facilities and I think we had best be prepared.”
“But, do you really think it’s fair to have one toilet labeled Women and one toilet labeled Unisex?”
“We do not have room for a third john and our customers include a number of maiden ladies of indefinite age, not to mention your two sisters and my collection of aunts, and I for one, do not want to spend my autumn years in this store arguing with relatives about whose john is the proper john — so this seemed about as rational as any solution available.”
As the second john wafted out on the air, the front door opened and the Curmudgeon waltzed in, nearly tripping as he stepped over the stack of lumber that lay on the floor with one 2X4 inching out into his line of traffic.
“John, who?” he asked.
“Not john with a capital J but a lowercase john,” he paused for a sip of coffee, “so that the store is up-to-date with the state’s bathroom bill.”
And as Mrs. Storekeep poured him a cup of coffee, Storekeep proceeded to explain their predicament to Curmudgeon.
“You see,” he began, “the Tar-heel state has now boxed itself into a pickle of a situation and it’s losing money left and right–not to mention all the folks that run restaurants, motels, hotels, gas stations, gift shops, department stores, etc., etc., from Asheville west to Raleigh east, with any number of celebratory institutions devoted to the world of sports, not to mention concert venues, are refusing engagements and the basketball folks alone are getting hotter than heck because so many citizens are ill-educated about the LGTB Community and the right to use a bathroom to match you persona rather than your birth certificate.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” said Curmudgeon, “we’ve gone on and on about this at every community gathering I’ve attended and my first question is how many people carry a copy of their birth certificate with them in their purse or wallet, snuggled down with their driver’s-license, credit cards, business cards—some of them representing businesses that are long gone—and all the rest?”
“We agree,” said Mrs. Storekeep, “and so we’re expanding our one-room john by taking a bit of room from the back storeroom and installing another john with a wall between and separate doors.”
“Our problem is deciding who is going to use what?” said Storekeep, “so we’re calling the old john the “Unisex” stall and my cousin Maude, who’s always been handy with a jig-saw, made a great logo (Storekeep prided himself on his knowledge of using a computer language) or a stick figure with a dress on the left leg and a pant leg on the right to indicate usage. Then the new john will be labeled with the international icon for women and any male connections will not be welcome.”
Curmudgeon was, in a word, flummoxed, and wondered (silently) how much trouble they had that led to this expense and why it was being done.
“Will the door handle lock safely from the inside?” he asked?
“Never thought of that,” Said Storekeep, “I’ll get two such locks this afternoon.”
“And,” asked Curmudgeon, “what happens if they repeal the law?”
“We’re call set for the next generation of shoppers here at the General Store.”
Outside, more rain began to fall.