Written by Phil Okrend – Recently my oldest son, Jordan asked me to help him with a college psychology assignment. His assignment was to record my recollection of an event that we both experienced to see how our memories of that event contrasted. I told him that there was a traumatic event that we both experienced, and suggested this would be a good topic to use for his report. He agreed, and I proceeded to tell him my recollection of this event that occurred 3 years earlier when we were living in Raleigh.
I brought him back to a night in May 2011 when, as a guitarist, singer-songwriter, Jordan was performing at a club in downtown Raleigh. I played keyboards and was backing him up for the show. My wife, Elise was also there. When the show ended, it was late, after midnight. We packed up our small SUV with the music equipment and started to drive home.
It was a very rainy, windy and dark night. As we drove up the main thoroughfare of Atlantic Avenue back to our home in North Raleigh, we came to a big intersection where Atlantic Avenue meets Millbrook Road. We were stopped at the red light. When the light turned green, we started to go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a car was coming straight toward us, from Millbrook, running a red light.
It was clear that we were going to be hit. I had no room to maneuver our vehicle out of the way, and I heard Jordan say, “Brace For Impact.”
Our SUV started to roll over, and I thought, “This could be it.” There was nothing we could do, and the car was just turning over and over. When it finally came to a stop, my right hand must have gone through the window, and somehow got pinned under the car. I don’t know how long I was trapped under my car, but I did hear the voices of my wife and son, and knew that they were alive.
In what seemed like a slow motion dream, the car was lifted from my hand, and an ambulance came and took me to Wake Med hospital. My head was also bleeding. I underwent a Cat Scan which revealed no internal head injuries but my right hand, my dominant hand was crushed, two of my fingers were broken. I remember being wheeled around in that hospital from room to room, and all the time I was thinking about my family, praying that they were OK.
After a time that seemed like eternity, I learned that my wife, Elise sustained some minor injuries to her toes from glass as she was able to get out of the car after the impact. Jordan was completely unhurt. I ended up having surgery and pins were placed in the 2 fingers.
The next day, I went home, not knowing how much I would be able to use my hand again. I started physical rehab soon after, and started to recover. Within a few months, I had gained complete motion back. I was very lucky. Someone had said that when they saw our wrecked vehicle after the accident, they thought it was a miracle we didn’t die or suffer more serious injuries.
What that accident did more than anything was to give me a new perspective, a new outlook on life. After the accident, I was forced to slow down. For some time, I couldn’t write, drive, play my instrument, or do many of the things that I took for granted. The accident was an exercise in developing patience and faith, with an understanding that we only have so much control. When you are forced to give up control, you learn to let go.
After the accident, I started to believe more in those virtues such as gratitude, that life is a precious gift, and that ultimately love is what we are here for. Life indeed is a miracle. I know I could have died that day, but I didn’t, and there is a reason that I’m here. Even after the accident, letting go hasn’t always been easy and I still complain from time to time. But remembering this accident, writing about it, sharing this story is a reminder of what is truly important. This lesson, I will keep in my heart.
The following is a passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. It calls on you to find the lessons in your life from your setbacks or misfortunes.
Reflections On Transformation
Lessons
If you could see your life as a perpetual place of learning and growth, then you can see that all your perceived setbacks, misfortunes, accidents, betrayals, etc. are merely signs to help you pay attention to what you haven’t been paying attention to. When you take the time to reflect, you will be able to learn and grow. When you react to a perceived negative occurrence, you just continue that pattern. Open your eyes to a new way of seeing life because as you change your mind, you change your life.
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Phil Okrend, Certified Life and Business Coach, transitioned from being an attorney, to the life of a creative entrepreneur, writer, speaker and musician. Phil is the author of the new coffee table book Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth which pairs his mindful poetic writings with the art of his wife, Asheville based pastel artist Elise Okrend.
www.messagestotheheart.com and www.steppingstonescoaching.com